In the past, we've created collaborative spreadsheets with your suggestions for getting through traumatic life events like <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1M42gLZLANOxXxl9-N2MEYcw0FW9ng2fSRhaLtrMykw0/edit?usp=sharing">breakups</a> and <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1aRIUb-91RK8hidaYHwSo5QzIno3tuiXsX4RZZFLEwxI/edit?usp=sharing">pregnancy loss</a>. So when one of our listeners suggested we make another one for the current pandemic we find ourselves living through—we got to work. This week, you've been helping us fill up our <a href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1npe706TWTCzg9LzP_Jydso_w5rRbCxbwDQp-bUaB44E/edit?usp=sharing">Pandemic Tool Kit</a> with suggested things to read, listen to, watch, think about, and more. You've added suggestions about everything from watching meditation videos and making nachos to hosting singalongs and donating to service workers. So this weekend, we want to challenge you to check it out, add ideas to it—and give something in the tool kit a try. Tell us how it goes. Send in your field reports from your activities—pictures, voices memos, emails—to <a href="mailto:deathsexmoney@wnyc.org">deathsexmoney@wnyc.org</a> by Monday morning. We’ll share some of them in our newsletter, which we're sending out a few times a week now. You can subscribe at <a href="https://wnyc.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=4109fdd323aaac7078eadaa8f&amp;id=566f296761">deathsexmoney.org/newsletter</a>.

In the past, we've created collaborative spreadsheets with your suggestions for getting through traumatic life events like breakups and pregnancy loss. So when one of our listeners suggested we make another one for the current pandemic we find ourselves living through—we got to work. This week, you've been helping us fill up our Pandemic Tool Kit with suggested things to read, listen to, watch, think about, and more. You've added suggestions about everything from watching meditation videos and making nachos to hosting singalongs and donating to service workers. So this weekend, we want to challenge you to check it out, add ideas to it—and give something in the tool kit a try. Tell us how it goes. Send in your field reports from your activities—pictures, voices memos, emails—to deathsexmoney@wnyc.org by Monday morning. We’ll share some of them in our newsletter, which we're sending out a few times a week now. You can subscribe at deathsexmoney.org/newsletter.

Death, Sex & Money

We Made A Pandemic Tool Kit

For fans of the HBO series High Maintenance, Ben Sinclair is practically synonymous with “The Guy,” the laid-back New York City weed dealer he plays on the show. And while a lot of the show is inspired by Ben and his co-creator and ex-wife Katja Blichfeld's personal life experiences, these days, Ben's trying to separate himself from some of his character's most well-known attributes. "I'm starting to grow out of smoking weed," he told me. "I feel joy at the anticipation of getting stoned, but once I'm stoned, I'm like, ugh, why did I do this?" Ben talked with me about his childhood in an Arizona suburb, struggling in New York in his 20s, what he learned from his divorce, and what he's turning to now that he's smoking less.  <hr> If you're new to High Maintenance, here are five of my favorite episodes. I only picked from the last four seasons of HBO for ease in finding, but the whole web series is amazing, <a href="https://play.hbogo.com/series/urn:hbo:series:GV8A3fgFNJsMRrwEAAAAG">which you can find here</a>. "Dongle" (Season 3, Episode 7): A Puerto Rican man who just arrived in New York starts work on a road crew and starts a flirtation with his bodega guy. "Googie" (Season 2, Episode 6): The Guy is recovering at home after a bike injury, and after smoking a lot of pot and streaming a lot of television, he goes out for a walk. "M.A.S.H." (Season 3, Episode 1): A wake brings together a collection of people in upstate New York, who join together in an inspired music jam.  "Adelante" (Season 4, Episode 6): An encounter with ex in an Uber pool, and a dental hygienist goes on a date with a patient and then returns to her home in the Bronx. "Scromple" (Season 2, Episode 5): The Guy and his ex-wife run into each other in a hospital.

For fans of the HBO series High Maintenance, Ben Sinclair is practically synonymous with “The Guy,” the laid-back New York City weed dealer he plays on the show. And while a lot of the show is inspired by Ben and his co-creator and ex-wife Katja Blichfeld's personal life experiences, these days, Ben's trying to separate himself from some of his character's most well-known attributes. "I'm starting to grow out of smoking weed," he told me. "I feel joy at the anticipation of getting stoned, but once I'm stoned, I'm like, ugh, why did I do this?" Ben talked with me about his childhood in an Arizona suburb, struggling in New York in his 20s, what he learned from his divorce, and what he's turning to now that he's smoking less.  If you're new to High Maintenance, here are five of my favorite episodes. I only picked from the last four seasons of HBO for ease in finding, but the whole web series is amazing, which you can find here. "Dongle" (Season 3, Episode 7): A Puerto Rican man who just arrived in New York starts work on a road crew and starts a flirtation with his bodega guy. "Googie" (Season 2, Episode 6): The Guy is recovering at home after a bike injury, and after smoking a lot of pot and streaming a lot of television, he goes out for a walk. "M.A.S.H." (Season 3, Episode 1): A wake brings together a collection of people in upstate New York, who join together in an inspired music jam.  "Adelante" (Season 4, Episode 6): An encounter with ex in an Uber pool, and a dental hygienist goes on a date with a patient and then returns to her home in the Bronx. "Scromple" (Season 2, Episode 5): The Guy and his ex-wife run into each other in a hospital.

Ben Sinclair Is A Fan Of Endings

A 34-year-old listener we’ll call “Marie” emailed us back in 2015. She’d never dated anyone seriously. She'd never been kissed, and she'd never had sex. She wasn't opposed to any of those things. They just hadn't happened for her yet. And she worried that if she told a potential partner about her sexual inexperience, he'd walk away.  Many of us aren’t having sex, for all kinds of reasons. When we asked you why you're not having sex, you told us about abstaining for religious reasons, or because of lingering fears based on what you learned (or didn’t learn) about sex growing up. We heard about not having sex because it hurts too much, or because you could hurt someone else by doing it. Some of you aren't having sex because you can't find the right partner or keep running into narrow societal standards about what’s “attractive.” We heard from people in relationships, too, like a couple who can't agree on how much sex is enough—so they're not really having any. And a man who says everyone thinks his life is full of three-ways and orgies because he lives with his wife and their girlfriend. But in reality, he says they're not having sex at all.  When we asked for your stories about why you’re not having sex, you also told us that not having sex can be really difficult to talk about. But by talking about it, what becomes clear is that our idea of what's "normal" might in fact be a myth.

A 34-year-old listener we’ll call “Marie” emailed us back in 2015. She’d never dated anyone seriously. She'd never been kissed, and she'd never had sex. She wasn't opposed to any of those things. They just hadn't happened for her yet. And she worried that if she told a potential partner about her sexual inexperience, he'd walk away.  Many of us aren’t having sex, for all kinds of reasons. When we asked you why you're not having sex, you told us about abstaining for religious reasons, or because of lingering fears based on what you learned (or didn’t learn) about sex growing up. We heard about not having sex because it hurts too much, or because you could hurt someone else by doing it. Some of you aren't having sex because you can't find the right partner or keep running into narrow societal standards about what’s “attractive.” We heard from people in relationships, too, like a couple who can't agree on how much sex is enough—so they're not really having any. And a man who says everyone thinks his life is full of three-ways and orgies because he lives with his wife and their girlfriend. But in reality, he says they're not having sex at all.  When we asked for your stories about why you’re not having sex, you also told us that not having sex can be really difficult to talk about. But by talking about it, what becomes clear is that our idea of what's "normal" might in fact be a myth. 

Why You're Not Having Sex

A few months ago, a listener we're calling Ethan sent us an email. The subject line was: "Sugar babies cost me $8,000 and my marriage."  Ethan told us that he hired sex workers from the website Seeking Arrangement for over a year, while also going to couples counseling with his wife as their marriage struggled. "My justification for it initially was, you know, I'm going to have a good time so that I can have more energy to try and fix my marriage," he told me. "'Cause I think, you know, when I first went on to Seeking Arrangement, I was exhausted. But I wasn't ready to give up on the marriage yet."  Ethan says he started going on Seeking Arrangement after hearing more about it on our show, from our episode <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/seeking-arrangement-sugar-daddy-death-sex-money">"When 'Daddy Dates' Pay The Bills."</a> And while we aren't proud that this story of the end of a marriage includes our show as a key plot point, we wanted to hear more about why Ethan decided to cheat⁠—and to understand what hard conversations he was trying to avoid.

A few months ago, a listener we're calling Ethan sent us an email. The subject line was: "Sugar babies cost me $8,000 and my marriage."  Ethan told us that he hired sex workers from the website Seeking Arrangement for over a year, while also going to couples counseling with his wife as their marriage struggled. "My justification for it initially was, you know, I'm going to have a good time so that I can have more energy to try and fix my marriage," he told me. "'Cause I think, you know, when I first went on to Seeking Arrangement, I was exhausted. But I wasn't ready to give up on the marriage yet."  Ethan says he started going on Seeking Arrangement after hearing more about it on our show, from our episode "When 'Daddy Dates' Pay The Bills." And while we aren't proud that this story of the end of a marriage includes our show as a key plot point, we wanted to hear more about why Ethan decided to cheat⁠—and to understand what hard conversations he was trying to avoid. 

Sugar Babies Cost Me $8,000 And My Marriage

When comedian Maria Bamford moved to LA in her early 20s, she struggled to cover her food and rent as she was breaking into the comedy world. "Although I had a college degree, I just did not know how to get and keep a full time job, much less a part time job," she told me. When an unexpected medical bill landed her in debt, she almost moved home to Minnesota—but found the support she needed from a money-oriented 12-step program. She eventually held down a job working as a secretary at an animation studio, which led to her getting voiceover work—and, importantly, health insurance through the Screen Actors Guild.  Since then, Maria has developed a signature brand of comedy that leans into her mental health struggles, the quirky characters in her family and the anxieties of everyday life. I talk with her about the unconventional way she learned to manage money, her memories of psychiatric hospitalization, and how she's working on having better arguments with her husband.  <hr> Maria's new comedy special is called <a href="https://comedydynamics.com/catalog/maria-bamford-weakness-is-the-brand/">Weakness Is The Brand</a>. Listen to this This American Life <a href="https://www.thisamericanlife.org/261/the-sanctity-of-marriage">episode</a> to hear more about the Gottmans, the husband and wife psychologists Maria has turned to for marriage advice.   If you or someone you love is at risk of suicide, please go to <a href="https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/">https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/</a> to find resources and someone to talk to.

When comedian Maria Bamford moved to LA in her early 20s, she struggled to cover her food and rent as she was breaking into the comedy world. "Although I had a college degree, I just did not know how to get and keep a full time job, much less a part time job," she told me. When an unexpected medical bill landed her in debt, she almost moved home to Minnesota—but found the support she needed from a money-oriented 12-step program. She eventually held down a job working as a secretary at an animation studio, which led to her getting voiceover work—and, importantly, health insurance through the Screen Actors Guild.  Since then, Maria has developed a signature brand of comedy that leans into her mental health struggles, the quirky characters in her family and the anxieties of everyday life. I talk with her about the unconventional way she learned to manage money, her memories of psychiatric hospitalization, and how she's working on having better arguments with her husband.  Maria's new comedy special is called Weakness Is The Brand. Listen to this This American Life episode to hear more about the Gottmans, the husband and wife psychologists Maria has turned to for marriage advice.   If you or someone you love is at risk of suicide, please go to https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ to find resources and someone to talk to. 

Maria Bamford Didn't Wait For It To Be Perfect

Ken Jeong described his role as Mr. Chow in the 2009 blockbuster The Hangover as "the most obscene love letter to a spouse one could ever have.” He peppered his dialogue with bits of Vietnamese as an inside joke with his wife Tran.  Ken met his wife while they were both practicing medicine at the same hospital in Los Angeles. Ken had always done comedy on the side, even performing midnight stand-up while he was working long hours during his residency. But after he and Tran married, he quit medicine to pursue acting full-time. Then, a year later, Tran was diagnosed with stage III triple negative breast cancer, one of the most aggressive forms of breast cancer. At the time, they had young twins, and Ken had just gotten an offer to play an Asian mobster in a Las Vegas buddy movie — the role that would be his big break. Tran encouraged him to take the part. "You're kind of burning out right now," she told him. So he channeled his anger about her illness into his character's comedic rage.  Back in 2015, he talked to me about raising a family in the shadow of cancer, and how his careers in comedy and medicine converged in unexpected ways.

Ken Jeong described his role as Mr. Chow in the 2009 blockbuster The Hangover as "the most obscene love letter to a spouse one could ever have.” He peppered his dialogue with bits of Vietnamese as an inside joke with his wife Tran.  Ken met his wife while they were both practicing medicine at the same hospital in Los Angeles. Ken had always done comedy on the side, even performing midnight stand-up while he was working long hours during his residency. But after he and Tran married, he quit medicine to pursue acting full-time. Then, a year later, Tran was diagnosed with stage III triple negative breast cancer, one of the most aggressive forms of breast cancer. At the time, they had young twins, and Ken had just gotten an offer to play an Asian mobster in a Las Vegas buddy movie — the role that would be his big break. Tran encouraged him to take the part. "You're kind of burning out right now," she told him. So he channeled his anger about her illness into his character's comedic rage.  Back in 2015, he talked to me about raising a family in the shadow of cancer, and how his careers in comedy and medicine converged in unexpected ways.

Cancer Changed Ken Jeong's Comedy

Twyla Tharp's mother first put her in dance classes when she was a child living in Southern California. "I've always been highly programmed," Twyla told me. But when she got to New York and realized her ballet skills weren't "top drawer," she decided to dig into modern dance and began studying with legendary dancers like Martha Graham and Merce Cunningham. "I said to myself, 'Well, okay, Merce does great what he does, and Martha does great what she does, but I don't want to do what they do,'" she said. "And I think ultimately that's how I became my own dancing person." In the six decades since, she's done exactly that—and she's not done yet. Now 78, Twyla joined me from our studio in New York to talk about the start of her prolific career back in the mid-60s, the logistics of raising her son as a single parent while touring internationally, and how now, at 78, she's learning to deal with new physical limitations. Here is an excerpt of Twyla's first work, Tank Dive (1965): <iframe frameborder="0" height="480" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/32273845?autoplay=0" width="854"></iframe> And here is a bit of The Golden Section (1983): <iframe frameborder="0" height="480" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/41078473?autoplay=0" width="854"></iframe> <a href="http://twylatharp.org/">You can check out more of Twyla's work on her website.</a>  Looking for our Valentine's Day project? <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/articles/valentines-death-sex-money">Go here!</a>

Twyla Tharp's mother first put her in dance classes when she was a child living in Southern California. "I've always been highly programmed," Twyla told me. But when she got to New York and realized her ballet skills weren't "top drawer," she decided to dig into modern dance and began studying with legendary dancers like Martha Graham and Merce Cunningham. "I said to myself, 'Well, okay, Merce does great what he does, and Martha does great what she does, but I don't want to do what they do,'" she said. "And I think ultimately that's how I became my own dancing person."In the six decades since, she's done exactly that—and she's not done yet. Now 78, Twyla joined me from our studio in New York to talk about the start of her prolific career back in the mid-60s, the logistics of raising her son as a single parent while touring internationally, and how now, at 78, she's learning to deal with new physical limitations. Here is an excerpt of Twyla's first work, Tank Dive (1965): And here is a bit of The Golden Section (1983): You can check out more of Twyla's work on her website.  Looking for our Valentine's Day project? Go here!

No Slumping With Twyla Tharp

When author Carmen Maria Machado was in her mid-20s, she had her first relationship with a woman. She was in graduate school at the time, and in the beginning, her ex made her feel special. "I just wanted somebody to like, look at me and be like, 'I want you,' you know? And that's exactly what she did," she told me. While Carmen says the relationship quickly became abusive, she was only able to start describing it that way once their relationship ended. Carmen went on to chronicle this relationship and how she deals with its aftermath in her new, critically-acclaimed memoir In the Dream House. She sat down with me to talk about coming to terms with the relationship, and complicating common narratives around abuse. <a href="https://media.wnyc.org/media/resources/2020/Feb/03/In_the_Dream_House_resources.pdf">You can find the fact sheet Carmen mentioned in the episode here.</a> It was put together by Hyejin Shim and Graywolf Press specifically for queer survivors of abuse, but it offers insights and resources that are useful for everyone.

When author Carmen Maria Machado was in her mid-20s, she had her first relationship with a woman. She was in graduate school at the time, and in the beginning, her ex made her feel special. "I just wanted somebody to like, look at me and be like, 'I want you,' you know? And that's exactly what she did," she told me. While Carmen says the relationship quickly became abusive, she was only able to start describing it that way once their relationship ended. Carmen went on to chronicle this relationship and how she deals with its aftermath in her new, critically-acclaimed memoir In the Dream House. She sat down with me to talk about coming to terms with the relationship, and complicating common narratives around abuse. You can find the fact sheet Carmen mentioned in the episode here. It was put together by Hyejin Shim and Graywolf Press specifically for queer survivors of abuse, but it offers insights and resources that are useful for everyone.

Carmen Maria Machado Is Using The Word 'Abusive'

Last week, we partnered with the NPR podcast Code Switch to bring you two episodes all about race and friendship. If you haven’t heard those episodes yet, definitely go back, and take a listen to those first.  As part of that project, we also put out <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/race-and-friendship-death-sex-money">a survey about how race has factored into your friendships</a>. More than 1,000 of you have taken it so far, and we’ve gotten some <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7xJ0ZGlrPY/">really interesting responses</a>. And we’ve also heard from some of you that taking the survey felt...ill-fitting; that answering questions about the number of friends you have outside of your race feels like an experience designed for white people.  We wanted to talk through some of this with Dr. Deborah Plummer. She's a psychologist and professor, who’s studied cross-racial friendships and helped us create our race and friendship survey. Her latest book is called “Some of My Friends Are…: The Daunting Challenges and Untapped Benefits of Cross-Racial Friendships.”

Last week, we partnered with the NPR podcast Code Switch to bring you two episodes all about race and friendship. If you haven’t heard those episodes yet, definitely go back, and take a listen to those first.  As part of that project, we also put out a survey about how race has factored into your friendships. More than 1,000 of you have taken it so far, and we’ve gotten some really interesting responses. And we’ve also heard from some of you that taking the survey felt...ill-fitting; that answering questions about the number of friends you have outside of your race feels like an experience designed for white people.  We wanted to talk through some of this with Dr. Deborah Plummer. She's a psychologist and professor, who’s studied cross-racial friendships and helped us create our race and friendship survey. Her latest book is called “Some of My Friends Are…: The Daunting Challenges and Untapped Benefits of Cross-Racial Friendships.” 

Who Are Your 'Quick And Deep' Friends?

We're thinking about race and friendship on the show this week. Yesterday, <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/race-and-friendship-death-sex-money">we brought you stories about the moments when race became a flashpoint in your friendships</a>. And today, we're excited to share a partner episode from NPR's Code Switch podcast—it includes expert perspectives on why our friend groups tend to be made up of people who look like us, and advice for their listeners about the uncomfortable racial dynamics they’ve encountered in their own friendships.  <hr> If you missed our episode featuring your stories about the moments race became a flashpoint in a friendship—and what happened next—head over to <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/race-and-friendship-death-sex-money">deathsexmoney.org/friendship</a>. While you're there, take our survey to think more closely about how race plays into your own friendships, and learn how your responses compare to national averages.

We're thinking about race and friendship on the show this week. Yesterday, we brought you stories about the moments when race became a flashpoint in your friendships. And today, we're excited to share a partner episode from NPR's Code Switch podcast—it includes expert perspectives on why our friend groups tend to be made up of people who look like us, and advice for their listeners about the uncomfortable racial dynamics they’ve encountered in their own friendships.  If you missed our episode featuring your stories about the moments race became a flashpoint in a friendship—and what happened next—head over to deathsexmoney.org/friendship. While you're there, take our survey to think more closely about how race plays into your own friendships, and learn how your responses compare to national averages.

Ask Code Switch: What About Your Friends?

A text message gone wrong. A bachelorette party exclusion. A racist comment during the 2016 debates. When we asked you all about moments when race became a flashpoint in your friendships, we heard about awkward, funny, and deeply painful moments. "The fact that she could drop me so easily really stung," one listener, Ashley, told us about a childhood friendship that suddenly ended because her friend's parents didn't want her "hanging out with black kids." Another listener, who we're calling Kathleen, wrote in about the regret she felt about not confronting an ex-friend who posted a racist comment on Facebook. "I don't know if I could have changed her mind," she told us. "But at least [I could have] let her know that what I thought was so wrong about what she was saying, instead of just quietly clicking 'unfriend.'"  Today, we're sharing your stories about how race, identity, and racism have impacted your friendships. And <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/deathsexmoney/episodes/code-switch-race-friendship-death-sex-money">listen to the episode from our partners at the NPR podcast Code Switch</a>, featuring expert advice on navigating those flashpoint moments around race—and explaining why it's so hard to make, and maintain, cross-racial friendships. <a href="https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/race-and-friendship">Take our survey about race and friendship here.</a> Afterward, see how other people answered the survey questions, and get our list of recommended reading on race and friendship.  Click <a href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/deathsexmoney/racefriendshiptranscript">here</a> to read a transcript of the episode.

A text message gone wrong. A bachelorette party exclusion. A racist comment during the 2016 debates. When we asked you all about moments when race became a flashpoint in your friendships, we heard about awkward, funny, and deeply painful moments. "The fact that she could drop me so easily really stung," one listener, Ashley, told us about a childhood friendship that suddenly ended because her friend's parents didn't want her "hanging out with black kids." Another listener, who we're calling Kathleen, wrote in about the regret she felt about not confronting an ex-friend who posted a racist comment on Facebook. "I don't know if I could have changed her mind," she told us. "But at least [I could have] let her know that what I thought was so wrong about what she was saying, instead of just quietly clicking 'unfriend.'"  Today, we're sharing your stories about how race, identity, and racism have impacted your friendships. And listen to the episode from our partners at the NPR podcast Code Switch, featuring expert advice on navigating those flashpoint moments around race—and explaining why it's so hard to make, and maintain, cross-racial friendships. Take our survey about race and friendship here. Afterward, see how other people answered the survey questions, and get our list of recommended reading on race and friendship.  Click here to read a transcript of the episode.

Between Friends: Your Stories About Race and Friendship

<div class="story__details"> <div id="ember1006" class="ember-view"> <div id="ember1015" class="article-tabs ivy-tabs nypr-tabs ember-view"> <div aria-hidden="false" id="ember1035" role="tabpanel" class="ivy-tabs-tabpanel active ember-view" aria-labelledby="ember1029" tabindex="0"> <div class="story__body"> <div id="ember1052" class="ember-view"> <div class="django-content"> The first thing that greets you when you step off the elevator at the Planned Parenthood in Brooklyn is a metal detector. "I didn’t necessarily expect it," a first-time patient told me. "But as soon as I saw it I was like, 'Oh yeah, that’s right, that makes sense.'"  Many Planned Parenthood clinics across the country rely on security measures like these. The services provided by these clinics—specifically, abortions—have long been at the center of a raging political debate in the U.S. But it's not very often that we hear from the people who rely on these clinics for health care.  Over a number of days in late 2015 and early 2016, we collected interviews at the Planned Parenthood clinic in downtown Brooklyn. Patients volunteered to talk with us while they were waiting for their appointments. They were there for STI tests, pap smears, birth control prescriptions—no one seeking an abortion talked with me on the days we were there. But for many of the people I met, abortion was an important part of their history with Planned Parenthood.  "Here it was just very reassuring," a patient named Sarah, who was at the clinic for her annual exam, told me about her abortion three years ago at Planned Parenthood. "No one wants to do it, but life, you know, happens." We also talked with some of the abortion protesters who stand outside the clinic every Saturday, rain or shine. And I interviewed several staff members and volunteers at Planned Parenthood—like Rhea, who greets patients as they walk in the door downstairs. "If you’re wondering if this is the right choice and you’re there and you’ve made the appointment and you’ve been thinking and you’re like, crossing the line...somebody being a jerk to you could totally just melt you down," she told me. "Or, somebody with a smile and somebody who holds your hand, could just make you feel calm and make you feel good. At a time where maybe you don’t feel good."  <hr>   We originally released this episode in 2016. Since then, there’s been a big change in how Planned Parenthood pays for that care. The Trump administration banned clinics from receiving Title X federal funding--money that covers things like STI treatment, cancer screenings and contraception for low-income patients, if those clinics also provide abortion counseling (with a few narrow exceptions). In response, Planned Parenthood stopped taking those funds altogether. </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div>

 The first thing that greets you when you step off the elevator at the Planned Parenthood in Brooklyn is a metal detector. "I didn’t necessarily expect it," a first-time patient told me. "But as soon as I saw it I was like, 'Oh yeah, that’s right, that makes sense.'"  Many Planned Parenthood clinics across the country rely on security measures like these. The services provided by these clinics—specifically, abortions—have long been at the center of a raging political debate in the U.S. But it's not very often that we hear from the people who rely on these clinics for health care.  Over a number of days in late 2015 and early 2016, we collected interviews at the Planned Parenthood clinic in downtown Brooklyn. Patients volunteered to talk with us while they were waiting for their appointments. They were there for STI tests, pap smears, birth control prescriptions—no one seeking an abortion talked with me on the days we were there. But for many of the people I met, abortion was an important part of their history with Planned Parenthood.  "Here it was just very reassuring," a patient named Sarah, who was at the clinic for her annual exam, told me about her abortion three years ago at Planned Parenthood. "No one wants to do it, but life, you know, happens." We also talked with some of the abortion protesters who stand outside the clinic every Saturday, rain or shine. And I interviewed several staff members and volunteers at Planned Parenthood—like Rhea, who greets patients as they walk in the door downstairs. "If you’re wondering if this is the right choice and you’re there and you’ve made the appointment and you’ve been thinking and you’re like, crossing the line...somebody being a jerk to you could totally just melt you down," she told me. "Or, somebody with a smile and somebody who holds your hand, could just make you feel calm and make you feel good. At a time where maybe you don’t feel good."    We originally released this episode in 2016. Since then, there’s been a big change in how Planned Parenthood pays for that care. The Trump administration banned clinics from receiving Title X federal funding--money that covers things like STI treatment, cancer screenings and contraception for low-income patients, if those clinics also provide abortion counseling (with a few narrow exceptions). In response, Planned Parenthood stopped taking those funds altogether. 

Inside Planned Parenthood

When I talked to writer Saeed Jones, he told me about his late mother, Carol Sweet-Jones, and how she always made New Year's "determinations"—not "resolutions." He recently wrote about the differences between the two in an essay called We Are A Determined Household, and about what he learned from years of watching his mom "summon her determination like clockwork." This week, Saeed reads that essay for us. And we want to hear your New Years determinations, too! Record a voice memo telling us what you want from 2020, and send it to us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. We'll share them back with the entire Death, Sex &amp; Money community soon, so we can all get a little inspiration from each other. <hr> Want more Saeed? Subscribe to his newsletter, <a href="https://saeedjones.substack.com/">The Intelligence of Honey</a>, where this essay was originally published. And be sure to check out his memoir, "How We Fight For Our Lives," which was one of our favorite books of 2019.

When I talked to writer Saeed Jones, he told me about his late mother, Carol Sweet-Jones, and how she always made New Year's "determinations"—not "resolutions." He recently wrote about the differences between the two in an essay called We Are A Determined Household, and about what he learned from years of watching his mom "summon her determination like clockwork." This week, Saeed reads that essay for us. And we want to hear your New Years determinations, too! Record a voice memo telling us what you want from 2020, and send it to us at deathsexmoney@wnyc.org. We'll share them back with the entire Death, Sex &amp; Money community soon, so we can all get a little inspiration from each other. Want more Saeed? Subscribe to his newsletter, The Intelligence of Honey, where this essay was originally published. And be sure to check out his memoir, "How We Fight For Our Lives," which was one of our favorite books of 2019.  

Saeed Jones's New Year's Determinations

We put 46 episodes of Death, Sex &amp; Money in your podcast feeds in 2019. We talked together about everything from STIs and drinking to stillbirth and big workplace transitions. Today, the team gathers together to share our favorite on- and off-the-air moments from the year that was, from the tape that stuck with us...to getting stuck in tapings.  <hr> We're able to do the work we do because of your support! If you want to help our show grow in 2020, please consider <a href="https://pledge3.wnyc.org/donate/death-sex-and-money/onestep/?ref=podcast-redirect">supporting Death, Sex &amp; Money with a donation</a>. The first 250 people to give at any amount during the month of December will receive a limited-edition Maternity Leave Lineup poster, signed by Anna. Thank you!

We put 46 episodes of Death, Sex &amp; Money in your podcast feeds in 2019. We talked together about everything from STIs and drinking to stillbirth and big workplace transitions. Today, the team gathers together to share our favorite on- and off-the-air moments from the year that was, from the tape that stuck with us...to getting stuck in tapings.  We're able to do the work we do because of your support! If you want to help our show grow in 2020, please consider supporting Death, Sex &amp; Money with a donation. The first 250 people to give at any amount during the month of December will receive a limited-edition Maternity Leave Lineup poster, signed by Anna. Thank you!  

Death, Sex & Money's 2019 Year End Spectacular

In 1994, musician Liz Phair was 27, fresh off the runaway success of her albums Exile In Guyville and Whipsmart, and on on the cover of Rolling Stone under the headline "A Rock And Roll Star Is Born." And she was miserable. In her new book, Horror Stories, she writes about the uncertainty and the restlessness of that time in her life. And in our conversation, she tells me that her decision to then get married and "retreat into domesticity" at that point seems, in hindsight, like an overcorrection. "I was trying to pull back into a self that I recognized," she says. "And I just pulled back too far." Today, she tells me about cheating in that marriage as a way of finding herself again, and how years later, finding herself on the other side of a betrayal helped her feel like the karmic score had been settled. Thanks to Random House for making a chapter of Liz's memoir Horror Stories available for us to share with you. <a href="https://media.wnyc.org/media/resources/2019/Dec/17/Phair_Horror_Stories_Excerpt_ch._16.pdf">Click here to read it</a>. We've also built a Spotify playlist of our favorite Liz Phair songs. <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0zLjfGsyT8h5U6Pwp6ZO3W?si=0rNU5kHqQFWluW0U03hgsA">You can find it here</a>. <hr> "Customer Experience" excerpted from Horror Stories by Liz Phair Copyright © 2019 by Liz Phair. Excerpted by permission of Random House. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

In 1994, musician Liz Phair was 27, fresh off the runaway success of her albums Exile In Guyville and Whipsmart, and on on the cover of Rolling Stone under the headline "A Rock And Roll Star Is Born." And she was miserable. In her new book, Horror Stories, she writes about the uncertainty and the restlessness of that time in her life. And in our conversation, she tells me that her decision to then get married and "retreat into domesticity" at that point seems, in hindsight, like an overcorrection. "I was trying to pull back into a self that I recognized," she says. "And I just pulled back too far." Today, she tells me about cheating in that marriage as a way of finding herself again, and how years later, finding herself on the other side of a betrayal helped her feel like the karmic score had been settled. Thanks to Random House for making a chapter of Liz's memoir Horror Stories available for us to share with you. Click here to read it. We've also built a Spotify playlist of our favorite Liz Phair songs. You can find it here. "Customer Experience" excerpted from Horror Stories by Liz Phair Copyright © 2019 by Liz Phair. Excerpted by permission of Random House. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Liz Phair's Rebellious Streak Works For Her

Anna Sale explores the big questions and hard choices that are often left out of polite conversation.

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Death, Sex & Money

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