After a recent interaction with someone who accused me of 'emotionally abusing' my daughter because I was expressing my hurt and frustration I started wondering something...  Why do moms get treated like we are no longer people? Why are we supposed to keep our feelings, emotions, anger, frustrations etc all bottled up? When we need to go out to let off steam, why are we judged? If we breakdown because we are so tired and emotionally drained, out parenting abilities are questioned. Or when we let our child know that they hurt us we are accused of emotionally abusing them...  When did it stop being ok for us to be human?

The Single Mom Podcast - Single Parent Advice, Support & a Little Bit of Humor

Moms Are STILL People

I quit smoking 8 years ago, and after I did I gained a lot of weight. What started out as 10 additional pounds grew into 50. I have been trying for YEARS to find the motivation & commitment to lose all those extra pounds. I have tried various diets, Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers, and other fad diets I found online. I joined a couple different gyms – and barely went. I tried working out with Beach Body videos at home. I gained it all right back! I finally found something that worked for me - the Keto diet. This episode covers my journey on this diet.

Weight Loss Struggles - I Finally Found Something that Worked!

For single moms, Mother's Day can often end up being just like every other day. We don't always have someone to take over for us - allowing us to sleep in, taking over our daily responsibilities and obligations, etc. So for some of us Mother's Day really isn't any different that yesterday or the day before that or the day before that.  But it SHOULD be different. Even if there isn't another adult to help you feel that you are amazing for all you do, your kids likely do! And YOU should do something to make yourself feel wonderful on Mother's Day. Because as a single mom you are EXTRA awesome and should be treated as such. So, this podcast episode is dedicated to finding ways to treat yourself this Mother's Day! A quick random list of easy, inexpensive or free ways to do something for yourself this Mother's Day. Don't let it just be another day!

Mother's Day - It Shouldn't Be Just Another Day

Today's podcast is all about parenting agreements and why you should ABSOLUTELY have one.  Making sure that all the details of your co-parenting arrangement with your ex are all laid out and legal is so very important. Having a parenting agreement helps keep all the rules and guidelines of how you will raise your child will actually help to keep things civil with your ex. Well, hopefully. There are so many different things to consider when creating a parenting agreement and today I will cover several of those things. Some of them PROBABLY aren't what you think...

Parenting Agreements - Do You Need One?

Too often we as single moms will undervalue ourselves. We may not do it on purpose, or even realize we are doing it but it happens more often than not. I recently came to this conclusion after having someone try to use the fact that I am a single mom as some form of insult. This of course does not work on me - because I am happily single. But it does make me realize that there are people who think that all of us single moms are just miserable and looking for a man. Which is often times not true. However, I do know that there are many of us single moms out there who are lonely and who do want to find someone to love and love us in return. Unfortunately, sometimes we end up lowering our standards and undervaluing ourselves just to find someone to fill that void. And that is something we should NEVER do! This episode goes deeper into why you should NEVER undervalue yourself.

Are You Undervaluing Yourself?

Self-contentment... remember what that feels like? Do you remember who you were before you had kids? Do you remember what you loved to do and the things that brought you joy?  As a single mom I know that for many years I felt like there was nothing more to me than just being Mom. It was a feeling that is hard to nail down sometimes. The best way I can describe it is a sort of hollow feeling inside. Like there is a part of you that just isn't there anymore. All those things that I used to do, that brought me happiness, I simply stopped doing after my kids were born. Because I was a single mom with little to no help it just seemed impossible. There was no way I would have the time or energy to work on self-contentment.  I had kids to feed, boo-boo's to patch up, clothes to wash, events to drive to, homework to help with, doctor's appointments...  There was no TIME for anything more, and even if there was time - I was too damn tired to try and do it. 'I'll do that later. When the kids are older.'  But something happened, and it happened so slowly - in small increments, that I didn't even realize it ... I lost myself.  So many things that had to be done to care for my kids and give them full lives, that I forgot about my own life. I became simply mom. Nothing more to me than that. And I thought that was how it was supposed to be. I felt guilty if I tried to go and do something for myself. How could I possibly justify spending even a dollar on something special for ME when I should dedicate everything to them? What a horrible mother I must be for wanting some time away from my kids! How could I possibly follow my dreams and still be a good mom?  So everything was pushed aside and my dreams tossed aside so I could be the best mom I could be. Or so I thought... You see, after a while that hollowness - it starts to become all consuming. You start to feel lost somehow. Yeah, you are still doing everything you need to do in order to be super-mom.  But it feels like a chore. Like you have to force yourself to continue with the day to day. You still love your kids more than anything but your life...you don't really love that. Which is NOT a good thing, because whether you realize it or not, your kids can feel that. You may try to hide it - but they instinctively know.  Somewhere along the way we decided that we needed to put ourselves last in order to be good moms. We don't. We need to be right up there in the top two! First the kids, then right along side them - US!  We need to feel that we are just as important and our goals and dreams are also just as important. Now, I am not saying you should ditch your kids and run off to Paris to become and artist. BUT - if art is something that you love, then it should STILL be a part of your life. Music, art, fashion, architecture, guitar, dance... if you love it, and it feeds your soul, it NEEDS to be a part of your life! You need to feel like a whole person if you want to be the best mom you can be.  Even if you can only take 30 minutes a day to feed your passion - at least that is something. Do the things that bring you joy (provided they are not bad habits). You will feel better. You will be better. You will feel part of your self return, I promise! And you will be a better mother for it.

Be More Than Mom - Finding Self-Contentment

For many couples with children it has been typical that the woman would be the primary care giver. Often times staying at home to care for the kids while her husband worked.  However, over the years this dynamic has changed a bit. A 2013 Pew study revealed that 40% of women were the main breadwinners in their homes. It is likely that number has risen over the years.  So what happens when a mother, who has always been the primary breadwinner, becomes a single mom? When you haven't been the primary care giver for your child it can be quite a change.  In this weeks podcast interview I talk with Rachel who has recently become a single mom. After separating from her husband, she found herself struggling with being the primary caregiver.  Rachel had always been the breadwinner for her family while her husband took care of their baby. When they separated Rachel had to learn how to be both breadwinner AND caregiver.  Not many of us can understand what it's like to find ourselves in tears at the grocery store because we don't know what foods our baby likes. Rachel's husband had always taken care of the shopping.  Not only did she have to learn all about her baby's habits and routines, she had to find a way to move past the guilt she felt because she didn't know these things. In the past several months Rachel has been able to get into the groove that many of us is simply the norm. It took her quite a bit of work but things are finally going great for her and her daughter. She is settling into the single mom life and I have no doubt she will be very successful.

Suddenly Single Mom - Learning to be the Primary Caregiver

If you know me, or have listened to some of my podcasts, you know that one of the things I dislike more than most anything is stereotypes. I do not like it when people put other people into a certain box, or judge them based on preconceived notions. Assuming they know a person's situation before actually getting to know them. This happens all to often to single mothers. I know that personally I have been stereotyped in the following ways: - a slut  - a whore  - a welfare queen or scammer  - just lookin' for a daddy for her kids  - mooching off the system  - your kids must be in jail  - you were probably a drug addict And there have likely been more over the years. So it stands to reason that I would absolutely despise when people just put stereotypes of single moms out there in the world. Especially people with large platforms. People like Tucker Carlson. Recently on his show Tucker did a piece on 'Men in Decline'. In this piece he talked about how women were less likely to marry men who made less money than they did. How they SHOULD want to marry them but they more than likely don't. Now, setting aside how insulting it is to women as a whole to assume that we are all money hungry gold diggers only interested in what a man earns. I mean god forbid we marry for something as stupid as love. There was another statement that he made right after that one that REALLY got my attention. “Over big populations this causes a drop in marriage, a spike in out-of-wedlock births and all the familiar disasters that inevitably follow. More drug and alcohol abuse, higher incarceration rates, fewer families formed in the next generation." A spike in out-of-wedlock births and the familiar disasters that inevitably follow. That my friends is a dig as single mothers. That is the stereotype that is thrown around so often about children raised by single moms. And yes, I know that there have been studies about it, and yes I know that it can and does happen.  However, I also know that there are thousands upon thousands of children who are raised by single mothers who turn out just fine. No jail time, no drug habits, no alcoholism.

Stereotypes & Why Tucker Carlson Can Kiss My Behind

It is almost the end of 2018 and I don't know about you but I am ready to kick last year to the curb! Last year seemed to be the most BLAH year I have experienced thus far. Now, it may be due to the political BS that has been going on ALL YEAR LONG. It could be my struggles with depression. It could be any number of things. Whatever the cause, I know that I am ready to close it out and bring in a bright new shiny year. I don't know about you, but I personally have routines and rituals that I go through every New Year's Eve. Not the party till I pass out kind of rituals but the kind that help me prepare myself for success in the coming year. Now some of these may be a little too woo-woo for you, and that's ok. BUT I highly recommend that you also close out your year in a way that helps you make 2019 an amazing year! This episode covers my list of rituals and routines for closing out the year...

Setting Yourself Up For Success in the New Year

It's CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!! I don't know about you, but this is my favorite time of year! However, this is also the time of year where I tend to drive myself a little bit crazy and drive myself into the ground. I also used to deal with an overabundance of guilt because of my need to compare myself to other moms or families. In this episode I talk about why you shouldn't try to live up to the idea of a 'perfect' Christmas.

Don't Try to Live Up to a Perfect Christmas Ideal

The holidays are here again! With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I keep seeing people posting on social media all the things that they are thankful for. And while I think that expressing gratitude is always a good thing; I always wonder why people only seem to do it around a specific holiday? Why only think about what you are thankful for around Thanksgiving? Why not do it all year round, every day?  Today's podcast talks about why remembering to be thankful every single day is so important.  Now I know that for many of us single moms it can be hard sometimes to be thankful or show gratitude. When things seem so hard or stressful. When you aren't sure how you are going to pay the bills this month or if you will have enough food.  When your ex decides to stop paying child support. Or maybe you are recently divorced and it seems hard to see how you could possibly be thankful for your world falling apart at the seams. These hard times can make it very hard to find things to be thankful for. But it's these times when it is more important than ever to work on being thankful. Because that is how we bring ourselves back to the light and the good times. By finding the good in the bad. Creating a daily gratitude practice for yourself can be so helpful and will often get you through those hard times with a better outlook. This episode covers a few ways to help yourself in your gratitude practice

Being Thankful Every Day

A few days ago I was scrolling through my Twitter feed trying, and failing, to ignore the political nonsense that has overtaken literally all social media platforms. I posted some pithy comments and re-tweeted some of the dumbest things that I came across. Realizing that by doing so I was totally contributing to the din, but apparently unable to stop myself. When I came across a post by a father Twitter handle: @daddyfiles, that caught my attention and made me stop in my tracks. It was a post about his little boy being bullied at school for wearing nail polish.  His post railed against the toxic masculinity that caused this little boy to question himself and want to stop being who he was. And this dad was PISSED! I read through his entire thread and all I could say was BRAVO! Seriously, I gave that man a standing ovation in my damn living room. It made my heart so happy to see this father do what ALL parents should do - accept their children for how they are. Could it be a phase? Of course it could. Could it mean more? Of course it could. But ultimately this little boy ended up knowing that his father supported and loved him no matter what!  Isn't that what we as parents are supposed to do? Raise our children to know that no matter how they dress, what they look like, who they love, how they wear their hair - that we will love them. That we support them.  We don't have to always LIKE what they do or wear BUT they aren't us and we aren't them. Giving your child the ability to express themselves (as long as no one is being physically harmed) is so very important. I don't want my child to grow up hating me because I couldn't bring myself to approve of who they were at their core. I would never want to lose a relationship with my child simply because I couldn't accept their differences. It made my heart happy to see this dad just blast the toxic masculinity that caused his poor little boy to suffer at school. Thank you @daddyfiles for all you did to support and love your son!

Bonus Episode: This Twitter Dad Made My Heart Happy

The Pros & Cons of Working From Home As a single mom I struggled for years trying to support my family while working full time. I had to apply for government assistance to afford the child care I needed. I knew that the only way I was going to get out the struggle I was in was if I didn't have to pay for child care. The only way I would be able to do that was to work from home. I had no idea what I was going to do or how I was going to do it but I dove right in. I made a lot of mistakes and stumbled along the way, but I was able to create a successful business for myself. I have been self employed for 10 years now. It has been the best thing I could have done for myself and my family.  Working from home has given me back control of my time and allowed me to be more present in my children's lives.  Working from home has plenty of perks but it can also have some downsides as well. It isn't always for everyone. In this weeks podcast I cover the pros and cons of working from home.

The Pros and Cons of Working From Home

As single moms we are more often than not running in 5 different directions, going a million miles an hour with our hair on fire! We take on so much every day just to keep our small humans alive and kicking. But when we do this it can take its toll on us. Hell, who am I kidding, it kicks our asses most days. We spend so much time taking on all the things that need to be done that we often neglect to take care of ourselves. We put ourselves last. And by the time we finally have time to MAYBE do something for ourselves, it is really just one more thing that takes up our time and energy and we just don't do it. OR we feel guilty for doing it. For the simple act of taking a moment to care for ourselves, we feel bad because we could be doing any number of the other things that are on our to-do list.  And yes, I KNOW that you know how important self-care is. And yes, I KNOW that you have heard me talk about this before. But if you are anything like me, even knowing how important it is, it almost always ends up falling WAAAAAAAY to the bottom of your list of priorities.  We have to stop letting ourselves do that. Our well being is imperative to our children's well being. If we are too stressed and too tired and too overwhelmed - it reflects in our parenting. No matter how hard we try to hide it.  We aren't at the top of our games as moms when we allow ourselves to get to that point. We need to relax and recharge! Now I know that many of you are saying 'I don't have time!' .... none of us have time! BUT we need to find a way to make time. Even something as simple as taking a bubble bath and reading for 30 min while your kids take a nap. OR giving yourself a pedicure after the kids go to sleep for the night.  Instead of doing that load of laundry, that will still be there when you are done (it's not like it's gonna self destruct if you wait an hour to put it in) - go for a walk to a park and just enjoy the out doors before you pick up your kids from school. It doesn't have to cost a ton of money, it doesn't even have to take up much time - just find something that helps you recharge your batteries, feeds your soul/spirit and keeps you SANE!

Remember to Take Care Of Yourself!

As parents we have so many different things that we have to worry about and deal with on a daily basis. Making sure that these little humans grow up safe and secure and turn into hopefully productive members of society!  But let's be honest - they can REALLY test our patience and our sanity! Who among us hasn't ended up in a battle royale with their kid over something completely ridiculous? I know I have! We all struggle with it, and we all know that in the end it leaves us feeling emotionally and physically drained.  So over the years I have learned to pick my battles when it comes to my kids, rather than spend time and energy on arguing. Now don't get me wrong - I still stand my ground on the important things but I am not willing to get into a 30 minute argument over whether my daughter should wear matching socks or not.  If my son decides he wants to make a peanut butter sandwich rather than eat spaghetti for dinner - fine by me. I am not going to argue and make myself insane over little things, because life is too short and I have only so much energy and patience to get me through my day. Having a child with special needs definitely can complicate this but it is something that I also implement with my son. Picking my battles with him is very necessary because my son LOVES to battle. If he can get me to step in that arena with him, he is in his element. And I end up feeling like I just went 10 rounds with a boxing pro - even though I "won" the battle.  Today's podcast discusses why it is so important to your own well being and mental health to learn to pick your battles. Is it REALLY worth the argument? Or is it better for you if you can just learn to let it go?

Pick Your Battles

The Single Mom Podcast is dedicated to inspiring and supporting single moms. Heather Wells is a single mother of three children (two with special needs) who spent years struggling just to make ends meet. Now she is a successful business owner and is dedicated to helping other single moms find the tools, resources and mindsets to navigate through the craziness of raising children alone.

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The Single Mom Podcast - Single Parent Advice, Support & a L...

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