<p>Hey, I wrote a short story tonight, and decided to record it. This isn't the regular podcast, just me reading a short story (in earnest?)</p>

Hey, I wrote a short story tonight, and decided to record it. This isn't the regular podcast, just me reading a short story (in earnest?)

The Jokes for Today

A SHORT STORY

<p>Thanks for listening! As always, I have two weeks to go viral and become a famous comedy writer, or I'll be homeless. Not really, but if I could be famous in two weeks, that would be awesome.</p> <p>You can read my book in 3 different ways:</p> <p>1. Download for FREE with Kindle Unlimited<br /> 2. Purchase the e-book for $3.95<br /> 3. Purchase the soft cover book for $5.99</p> <p>The book is over 100 pages, so it's a good value however you choose to enjoy it.</p> <p><a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Riddles-Easily-Confused-Jonas-Polsky-ebook/dp/B079Q72RW4"> https://www.amazon.com/Riddles-Easily-Confused-Jonas-Polsky-ebook/dp/B079Q72RW4</a></p> <p>I make like $2 per sale, and the goal is to just make it popular on Amazon so I can get a book deal, or get a job, go on a first and second date with a woman, I'm looking for any positive outcome.</p> <p>Now that I'm thinking about it, it's probably hopeless, so I may stop plugging the book. Buy it right now before you forget.</p>

Thanks for listening! As always, I have two weeks to go viral and become a famous comedy writer, or I'll be homeless. Not really, but if I could be famous in two weeks, that would be awesome. You can read my book in 3 different ways: 1. Download for FREE with Kindle Unlimited 2. Purchase the e-book for $3.95 3. Purchase the soft cover book for $5.99 The book is over 100 pages, so it's a good value however you choose to enjoy it. https://www.amazon.com/Riddles-Easily-Confused-Jonas-Polsky-ebook/dp/B079Q72RW4 I make like $2 per sale, and the goal is to just make it popular on Amazon so I can get a book deal, or get a job, go on a first and second date with a woman, I'm looking for any positive outcome. Now that I'm thinking about it, it's probably hopeless, so I may stop plugging the book. Buy it right now before you forget.

The Jokes for October 16th

<p>More than 40 copies sold!</p> <p><a href= "https://www.amazon.com/Riddles-Easily-Confused-Jonas-Polsky/dp/1796558109"> https://www.amazon.com/Riddles-Easily-Confused-Jonas-Polsky/dp/1796558109</a></p>

More than 40 copies sold! https://www.amazon.com/Riddles-Easily-Confused-Jonas-Polsky/dp/1796558109

The Jokes for October 13th

<p> </p> <p>GO BUY MY STUPID BOOK! https://amzn.to/2m7GmXs</p>

  GO BUY MY STUPID BOOK! https://amzn.to/2m7GmXs

The Jokes for September 22nd

<p>This is my writing packet for The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.</p> <p>If you need a late night joke writer, contact me at <a href= "mailto:jonaspolsky@gmail.com">jonaspolsky@gmail.com</a></p> <p> </p> <div>Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95</div> <div> </div> <div><a href="http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4" target="_blank" rel= "noopener" data-saferedirecturl= "https://www.google.com/url?q=http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4&source=gmail&ust=1557184906394000&usg=AFQjCNG0Z_JytRWaxHMP6wyo7mJdrYJfvg"> amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</a>  </div>

This is my writing packet for The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. If you need a late night joke writer, contact me at jonaspolsky@gmail.com   Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95   amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4  

The Jokes for May 5th - Jimmy Fallon Edition

<div>Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95</div> <div> </div> <div><a href="http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4" target="_blank" rel= "noopener" data-saferedirecturl= "https://www.google.com/url?q=http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4&source=gmail&ust=1548712354267000&usg=AFQjCNFR6ljWpTHw7mRQSY1WWg7wy5n0Vg"> amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</a>  </div> <div> </div> <div>Topical jokes about controversial cookies, the CEO of Starbucks running for president, being microchipped by a corporation, an emotional support alligator, and Patton Oswalt helping a GoFundMe.</div>

Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95   amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4     Topical jokes about controversial cookies, the CEO of Starbucks running for president, being microchipped by a corporation, an emotional support alligator, and Patton Oswalt helping a GoFundMe.

The Jokes for January 27th

<div>Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95</div> <div> </div> <div><a href="http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4" target="_blank" rel= "noopener" data-saferedirecturl= "https://www.google.com/url?q=http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4&source=gmail&ust=1548559145636000&usg=AFQjCNF_uYkpi6jX6Ucqhrnigjxd7xab0g"> amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</a>  </div> <div> </div> <div>Topical jokes about the government shutdown, smelling bad, a homeless person going to prison, a flight attendant dying, and I think that's it.</div>

Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95   amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4     Topical jokes about the government shutdown, smelling bad, a homeless person going to prison, a flight attendant dying, and I think that's it.

The Jokes for January 25th

<div>Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95</div> <div> </div> <div><a href="http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4" target="_blank" rel= "noopener" data-saferedirecturl= "https://www.google.com/url?q=http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4&source=gmail&ust=1548308292739000&usg=AFQjCNEC0U175Iq9sG9gqFmK3ZjIPcZMog"> amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</a>  <<<</div> <div> </div> <div>Topical jokes about the State of the Union, being jailed for helping immigrants, having sex with vegetables, anti-vaxxers, the transgender soldier ban, and of course -- the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.</div>

Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95   amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4  

The Jokes for January 23rd

<div>Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95</div> <div> </div> <div><a href="http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4" target="_blank" rel= "noopener" data-saferedirecturl= "https://www.google.com/url?q=http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4&source=gmail&ust=1548214014621000&usg=AFQjCNH24-0gh6LfvLk0uwecMJMzlyXoRA"> amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</a>  </div> <div> </div> <div>Topical jokes about Brett Kavanaugh, United Airlines, cats who have an apartment, conversion therapy, billionaires, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and other news stories.</div>

Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95   amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4     Topical jokes about Brett Kavanaugh, United Airlines, cats who have an apartment, conversion therapy, billionaires, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and other news stories.

The Jokes for January 21st

<div>Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95</div> <div> </div> <div><a href="http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4" target="_blank" rel= "noopener" data-saferedirecturl= "https://www.google.com/url?q=http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4&source=gmail&ust=1546403669264000&usg=AFQjCNH1kOMSof9dzdWbWf4j-DgLyF-Hgg"> amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</a>  </div> <div> </div> <div>Topical jokes about eating roadkill, running over a nail salon employee, Elizabeth Warren, a thwarted mass shooting, and Trump's New Years Resolutions.</div>

Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95   amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4     Topical jokes about eating roadkill, running over a nail salon employee, Elizabeth Warren, a thwarted mass shooting, and Trump's New Years Resolutions.

The Jokes for December 31st

<div>Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95</div> <div> </div> <div><a href="http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</a>  </div> <div> </div> <div>Topical jokes about a nude selfie, a very heavy newborn, wrestling with dreadlocks, and getting married to a hologram.</div>

Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95   amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4     Topical jokes about a nude selfie, a very heavy newborn, wrestling with dreadlocks, and getting married to a hologram.

The Jokes for December 28th

<div>Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95</div> <div> </div> <div><a href="http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4" target="_blank" rel= "noopener" data-saferedirecturl= "https://www.google.com/url?q=http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4&source=gmail&ust=1545455937482000&usg=AFQjCNHTzElvA1sxZwyFG0kufmIpQl6hnQ"> amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</a>  </div> <div> </div> <div>Topical jokes about news stories like General Mattis, Donald Trump, an unwanted rectal exam, Bigfoot, and a little more.</div>

Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95   amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4     Topical jokes about news stories like General Mattis, Donald Trump, an unwanted rectal exam, Bigfoot, and a little more.

The Jokes for December 20th

<div>Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95</div> <div> </div> <div><a href="http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4" target="_blank" rel= "noopener">amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</a>  </div> <div> </div> <div>Jokes about waterboarding, Merriam Webster's word of the year, Youtube, and calendars.</div>

Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95   amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4     Jokes about waterboarding, Merriam Webster's word of the year, Youtube, and calendars.

The Jokes for December 17th

<p>This is a preview of my book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." Buy it today for only $3.95 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</p>

This is a preview of my book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." Buy it today for only $3.95 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4

BOOK PREVIEW: Riddles for the Easily Confused

<div> <div> <div>Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95</div> <div> </div> <div><a href="http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4" target="_blank" rel= "noopener" data-saferedirecturl= "https://www.google.com/url?q=http://amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4&source=gmail&ust=1541903611508000&usg=AFQjCNFwUn_siXQTUGChSi-LP4Tt9Ad8mA"> amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4</a>  <br /> <br /></div> Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are The Jokes for Today for November 9th.</div> <div> </div> <div> <div>In Michigan, a dead woman was found inside the donation dumpster at Goodwill. Goodwill employees discovered the dead woman, when a customer tried to buy her.</div> <div> </div> <div>Speaking of death--</div> <div> </div> <div>In Alaska, a man was who faked his own death has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. When the judge read the sentence, the man could be heard crying from inside his coffin.</div> <div> </div> <div>The morning after the midterm election, Attorney General Jeff Sessions resigned. To insure that there is no interruption in his duties, Sessions will be replaced by a child-sized scarecrow, wearing a klan outfit.</div> <div> </div> <div>Florida plans to phase out greyhound racing by 2020, meaning thousands of greyhounds will need to be adopted. Because there are more dogs than available homes, the greyhounds will have to compete for adoption via some sort of speed competition.</div> </div> <div> </div> </div> <div>These were the Jokes for Today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.</div>

 Please check out my comedy book "Riddles for the Easily Confused." You can buy the Kindle edition on Amazon for only $3.95   amazon.com/dp/B079Q72RW4   Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight. These are The Jokes for Today for November 9th.   In Michigan, a dead woman was found inside the donation dumpster at Goodwill. Goodwill employees discovered the dead woman, when a customer tried to buy her.   Speaking of death--   In Alaska, a man was who faked his own death has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. When the judge read the sentence, the man could be heard crying from inside his coffin.   The morning after the midterm election, Attorney General Jeff Sessions resigned. To insure that there is no interruption in his duties, Sessions will be replaced by a child-sized scarecrow, wearing a klan outfit.   Florida plans to phase out greyhound racing by 2020, meaning thousands of greyhounds will need to be adopted. Because there are more dogs than available homes, the greyhounds will have to compete for adoption via some sort of speed competition.   These were the Jokes for Today, and I, was Jonas Polsky.

The Jokes for November 9th

About the Podcast: The Jokes for Today is a one-minute podcast of topical jokes, much like the jokes you'd hear during a late night monologue. Once or twice a week I read the news, write a few one-liner jokes about it, then share them with you. The tone of the show is very deadpan, and the jokes are delivered just as a broadcaster on NPR or public radio would read them. About Me: I'm an aspiring comedy writer, hoping to one day get a job in late night television. This podcast serves as my resume. If you'd like to help me achieve my goal, subscribe, review, and share The Jokes for Today. If you want to hire me right now, or want to send feedback about the show, you can email me: JonasPolsky@gmail.com Thanks for listening

hubhopper

The Jokes for Today

hubhopper